Ring ring...

Me: Hello
Caller: Mr Tan, I'm calling from 3 mobile. I understand you have reported your sim card and modem missing..
Me: Err.... (my sister is using it and she reported it), yes.
Caller: We can replace your sim card for free and your modem at £19.99 if you wish.
Me: Yea why not... can I get the modem at a discount?
Caller: let me check with my manager... (went for a while)... Mr Tan, we would certainly be able to give you a discount on the modem as well. What is most important is we get you back online. We can probably knock off another £10.
Me: (thinking to myself: stupid Ruth but ah, lets get this sorted out since I'm on the phone with them now) ok thanks please get it done.
Caller: Let me transfer you to the relevant department.

Transferring - wait 5 minutes

Caller: (Indian accent) Hello, customer services.
Me: I was transferred to you to get my replacement sim card and modem at a discount.
Caller: Name?
Me: Mark Tan
Caller: Huh?
Me: Mark Tan - T for Tango, A for Alpha, N for November.
Caller: Date of birth?
Me: 17 May 1978
Caller: Don't have you on the system.
Me: Errr... try my address?
Caller: Address?
Me: 32 Folgate Street, E1 6UJ
Caller: Huh?
Me: F-O-L-G-A-T-E Street, E1 6UJ, E for Echo, 1, 6, U for Uraguay, J for Japan.
Caller: Hold on.... (5 mins later).... We finally found you on the system... How can I help you today?
Me: As I said, I was transferred to get my replacement sim card and modem.
Caller: Let me transfer you to the relevant department...
Me: Huh? I was transferred to the relevant department... you're the relevant department.
Caller: No - let me transfer you.

Transferring - wait 5 minutes

Caller: (Indian accent) Hello, broadband services.
Me: I was transferred to you to get my replacement sim card and modem at a discount
Caller: Name?
Me: Mark Tan- T for Tango, A for Alpha, N for November.
Caller: Date of birth?
Me: 17 May 1978
Caller: Address?
Me: 32 Folgate Street, E1 6UJ
Caller: Hold on.... (5 mins later).... How can I help you today?
Me: I was transferred to get my replacement sim card and modem.
Caller: OK - its £5 for the sim card and £20 for the modem
Me: I was told the sim card would be free and that the modem would be £19.99 with an additional discount..
Caller: No - definitely not, its £25.
Me: Erm - I was just told that over the phone by your colleague.
Caller: This is standard, £20 is already a discount.
Me: Well, check your phone record if you wish...
Caller: No.
Me: Well in that case, cancel the service please.
Caller: Hold on, let me speak to my manager... (5 mins later)... Well, ONLY, and let me stress, ONLY because we believe you, we will waive the £5 sim card cost. The modem is £20.
Me: Huh? (getting weary now) whatever... ok (this stupid Ruth).
Caller: There's a £5 pound delivery charge...
Me: What??!!! (now my patience is wearing thin) Send it via royal mail, it doesn't cost £5.
Caller: OK, its £1.91 then.
Me: (sheesh) OK whatever...
Caller: Let me transfer you....
Me: WHAT???!!!

Transferring... (disconnected)

(Altogether 30 minutes of time wasted this morning)

Moral of the story? 3 mobile sux... simple as that...